Reactions and Feelings
REACTIONS TO REACTIONS TO FEELINGS AND FEELINGS
VISIBLE BEHAVIORS INNER FEELINGS AND VISIBLE BEHAVIORS
Secret drinking: Shame
Social embarrassment and humiliation.
Personal and "How could he/she say that?"
"Socially withdrawn" at the party last night.
Stays out late or doesn't come home for 2-3 days.
Social withdrawal: turns down invitations quits entertaining in the home.
Suspiciousness questions mate's activities or fidelity: Fear
Takes control: picks up user's paycheck to make sure bills are paid.
Rigidity: "have my house run my way."
Masked with anger and contempt.
Can't control drinking: Hurt
Communication as he tries to control deteriorates.
Others takes user's behavior personally.
Can't get mind off of blaming others the user.
"You don't love me anymore."
Efforts to control are futile: Helplessness
Blames the user's drinking for failure "you're destroying my life."
Emotionally inaccessible: Hopelessness
Family breaks down; depression, nervous breakdown, hospitalized for somatic illnesses.
"GIVES UP" or breaks away.
Moves out or has the user leave.