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What is P/J
Ministry?
Table
Leading
Recidivism
Jail Interview
Prison
Testimony
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Prison Testimony
Testimony
from Clayton B.:
Like so many people who have found them selves in
trouble with the law, I learned belittling and rejection at a very early
age. This is not an excuse, this was my life. I grew up as an unwanted
child in an adopted home. I was beaten for everything I said or did,
whether I deserved it or not. I couldn't distinguish right from wrong.
And repeatedly I was told that I would never amount to anything. They
said, all my choices were wrong, I was wrong, my life was wrong. I
remember the overpowering feeling of resentment that grew within me, and
emerged into open hostility and deep-seated hatred. I hated everyone and
everything. As I moved into and through my teenage years the rage in my
head made me an out-of-control wounded animal. Oh no, not me! Whoa!
There really is no other way to say this. Then when alcohol had come
into my life, it came not to visit, but to permanently stay. It became
my crutch, my friend, my front, my medication, and my god. By the time I
was in my mid-twenties, I was drinking almost a quart of Jack Daniels a
day. All other relationships in my life became a scorn, and I
trivialized them. All too frequently, I would groggily wake up in the
morning on my couch at home, with a bruising hangover. And not be able
to remember how or when I got there. When I could rouse enough to ask
"How did I get here?" The reply would be something like,
"You must'a drove yourself." Or, "I dunno, nobody came
with you." In a panic, I would hurry to the door, dreading to even
look out through the glass for my car. Every time, I expected to see
damage to the car, but instead, there it would be parked, square and
neat without a scratch. How can a person in a "Blackout,"
navigate a car through many twists and turns, and not ever hit
something? Was I out-of-control? It was to get even worse real soon.
In
1977, I got into one of my many fights, only this time a man lost his
life! When the police came and arrested me, and charged me with open
murder, I absolutely couldn't believe it. I was locked up! I denied it,
I kicked, and I screamed, but they wouldn't believe me. Boy, did I ever
need a drink! Now I was facing a death sentence. Now, I really needed a
drink.- no the whole bottle, please! The days turned into months, and my
denials got louder. But the legal process kept on churning against me,
what was I to do? Even my friend Jack Daniels had abandoned me - more
abandonment, more rejection.
It dawned on me, that I was in the most
serious trouble of my whole troubled life, and that there was no way
out. I was going to death row. They were going to execute me. I looked
to the only hope left (Jesus), my prayer was simple, it went like this,
"Lord, if it's my time to go, then I'll shut up and go....but, if
You have something for me to do, then You'll hafta provide a way
out." Three days into a jury trial, the way out came. The
prosecution told my lawyer that they would accept a plea bargain, at
first my Conniving mind said no. And then as I toyed with the offer, the
evil one that had been such a big influence in my life, kept trying to
convince me to play with them, and see what else I could get out of the
deal. It was then a breakthrough came, and I was reminded this was the
answer to my prayers, and you do not play with God! I accepted what was
offered, and began a life-long relation with the One who would sustain
me through the coming dark hours, and meet my every need.
During my
18-year stay in prison, I saw the need for a ministry that would really
work - in prison, and out (when the inmate is released). And this was my
prayer, to be led to a ministry that is based on the Word of God, and is
conducted as God instructs. So when I was released in 1995, my wife
introduced me to the Alcoholics for Christ ministry. I liked what I saw
and heard. I felt the approval of God, that this is where he wanted me.
This was fulfillment of the prayer I uttered when I first came to
Christ, when I said, "If You have something for me to do..."
Because He gave me a compassion to help other people to keep them from
going back to prison, or to keep them from going there in the first
place.
I had seen so many people be released from prison, and break the
law again, and come right back in. I did not want this to happen to me.
I know that being at large, in a free world is an individual choice, and
also that I had made bad choices in my life. And so, choices do not come
easy to me, because the thoughts come to me, "I'm going to get
yelled at," or "something hurtful will be said to me,"
that will make me feel like I am nothing, and that I can do nothing
right.
Confusion is a state of indecision, based on our prior learning
experiences. The prison-experience is one of being told: what to do,
when to do it, how to do it, and what to think about doing it. Couple
this with my growing-up influences and experiences, and here is one
mixed up person, with a set of complex emotions that only God can
understand. And that is one reason why we turn to God, and stay turned
to Him, because the issues of temptation, disobedience, and rebellion
come upon us like a storm. And only by focusing on God, and not the
storm will we be able to stay free and untangled (from the snares of
Satan).
When I was released from prison into a halfway house, I had
$50.00 in my pocket. Six months later I bought my first vehicle (on
credit-unbelievable). All of this while I'm still in a halfway
house, only God could have made this happen. Praise His Holy Name!
Soon
afterwards, I moved to Michigan and I became affiliated with a local
home church.
After attending A/C meetings and finding out what they were about, I knew
that this was the vehicle I had talked to the Lord about. And when I
found out that A/C was expanding their jail ministry into prisons, I
knew in my heart and being, that this was the fulfillment of my first
covenant with God. Is there anything too difficult for God? You try Him
and see for yourself! God NEVER fails.
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